A place of rugged beauty

Steve Aisthorpe reflects on a journey which has led to the creation of a new retreat centre at at an ancient place of prayer at Kilmalieu, near Fort William.

AS word spread about this compelling teacher and compassionate healer, Jesus was often surrounded by crowds.

Under pressure, rarely with a moment to himself, he ‘often withdrew to lonely places and prayed’ (Luke 5:16). Jesus knew the necessity of retreat. He nurtured a rhythm of prayerful listening and courageous action. He modelled a pattern of retreat and advance.

Just like the one we follow, we either learn to pray and listen or we become slaves to unconsidered busyness. The current resurgence of interest in Christian retreat is much needed. At a time when resources are spread ever thinner, we need to go deeper. The habit of withdrawing for intentional prayer and reflection is essential. Our decisions and actions need to be based on prayer and discernment if we are to avoid simply pursuing good ideas.

In November 2022 I was struggling with motivation for my job. It was strange. I was a mission development worker for the Church of Scotland and passionate about that role, but, strangely, I was battling for motivation. My wife and I decided to go on a retreat. Unable to find an opportunity nearby, we joined a silent retreat in north Wales.

We arrived there and, after a brief introduction, silence descended. At first it felt awkward, but soon became liberating. On the first day I took a stroll to a tiny chapel on top of a small hill. As I shared my struggles with God in prayer, a diagnosis dawned on me: I had become ‘cautious’. That was an uncomfortable discovery.

“ Our decisions and actions need to be based on prayer and discernment if we are to avoid simply pursuing good ideas.”

I think of myself as an adventurous person. However, there was no denying it. Some recent opportunities came to mind, each of which I had responded to with restraint. I was forced to admit that sticking with the safe and familiar had become my default.

I decided to take a walk while meditating on Psalm 42:1 ‘As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.’ It’s difficult to articulate what happened, except to say that during that contemplative stroll I found myself released from the risk-averse attitude I had been experiencing as a kind of constraining entanglement.

In the days that followed I became convinced I should resign from my job. I needed to step into the unknown and trust the Lord to reveal the next thing. Liz, my wife was supportive. In fact, she was so empathetic that she resigned too! While working our notice periods we came across a prayer attributed to St Brendan and began to pray it each day: ‘Help me to journey beyond the familiar and into the unknown. Give me the faith to leave old ways and break fresh ground with You.’

We had no idea what we might do next but began to explore various possibilities. Some ideas seemed to fade as we found out more and prayed. However, one opportunity seemed to grow and take root in our hearts. This was the invitation to re-purpose an outdoor centre as a place of Christian retreat. The centre was about 20 miles from Fort William. It comprised a renovated hunting lodge and associated buildings, set in the 3000-acre Kilmalieu estate.

The Abernethy Trust had leased the estate for over 30 years, but during the Covid pandemic the centre had been mothballed and now they were wondering about embarking on a new venture, developing it as a place of prayer, hospitality and nature restoration.

Liz and I visited the centre, met with the trustees, talked with friends and prayed. Eventually, we decided that this was indeed the next thing. We moved to Ardgour last September.

Kilmalieu is a place of rugged beauty. It comprises mountains, coastline and woodland. The name ‘Kil – Malieu’ refers to the church or prayer cell of Saint Moluag, a contemporary of Columba. His main base was on Lismore, a short boat journey from Kilmalieu. His team established many Christian communities throughout the north of Scotland. So, the re-development of Kilmalieu as a retreat centre is a returning to its ancient purpose as a centre of prayer and springboard for mission.

The winter was tough. We often felt overwhelmed (we still do), but also confident that we were responding to God’s call. We established a daily rhythm of prayer with our sole colleague, James, the only remaining member of the pre-pandemic team. We worked away through the dark months, decluttering and connecting with people we thought might be interested in a new retreat centre on the west coast. Through those habits of prayer and discussion our vision was clarified and we began to search for other team members. In February we invited our preferred applicants to spend a few days together at Kilmalieu. We worked and prayed, laughed and walked, played and discussed …and by the end of the week all realised that this was indeed the new Team Kilmalieu. It took time to develop accommodation for the team members, but by May the full team of seven was in place, bringing skills in administration, catering, housekeeping, retreat leading, maintenance and nature conservation.

Our prayer from the beginning has been that Kilmalieu will be a resource for the Church, enabling people to be refreshed, to go deeper with God and to be re-envisioned for their part in God’s mission. Our first retreat, in June, was based around the theme ‘Look at the birds of the air’ and combined contemplative worship, learning from birds in the Bible and daily birdwatching walks. Most of our retreats use the chapel we have converted from an old steading, the art room, library etc., but also spend plenty of time outdoors, connecting with the wonder-filled natural world around us. We welcome small groups and individuals for either self-guided retreat or to be supported with spiritual accompaniment or coaching.

It is still very early days. We are learning lots, not least about ourselves and one another. We exist for people like you, Christians who seek to grow and to discern God’s ‘what next?’ If Kilmalieu might be a resource for you, we would love to hear from you.

Steve Aisthorpe was Mission Development Worker for the Church of Scotland from 2007 to 2023 and is the author of various books, including Rewilding the Church (Saint Andrew Press, 2020). To enquire about possibilities for retreat at Kilmalieu, email kilmalieu@ abernethy.org.uk or call 01967 411222.