‘A real sense of letting go’

Lynsey Graham, pastoral assistant at Inverkip, Skelmorlie and Wemyss Bay Parish Church, describes the impact of a service of loss and renewal.

ON the afternoon of Sunday October 8, a special service of Loss and Renewal took place at Skelmorlie and Wemyss Bay Parish Church, conducted by myself.

Since I started my role here almost two years ago, God has made it very clear to me that a service like this is needed to acknowledge the many losses experienced by so many people across both congregations and the wider villages.

As a community, and particularly as a church family, we have lost some big characters over the last couple of years. Inspired by other churches who have had poignant services to mark those lost to Covid-19, we wanted to recognise that loss can take many forms. Whether an individual’s loss was due to bereavement, a loss of independence, illness, relationships and family breakdowns or even the death of a much-loved pet, we wanted to hand over the pain of all these losses to God and find healing and renewal through God’s word.

In my day job I work as a specialist physiotherapist in integrative healthcare, previously in a faith-based end of life care setting and now in long term condition management in integrative healthcare, where a holistic trauma-informed approach is required, taking into accountthe patient’s spiritual needs. Many of my patients experience a cascade of health problems triggered by the stress of losing a loved one. This is particularly prevalent when there is complex grief, such as when the person has been caring for their loved one for a long time or when the death is unexpected.

“ Everyone was visibly moved but only a few were very upset, but we had tissues on each row and the overall message was there are no short cuts to pain, and crying is absolutely ok."

Since pain and suffering affect our whole body I wanted the service to be very holistic in design. We heard inspirational words of scripture and reflections based on eight personal accounts of loss, including the end of an abusive relationship and the agony of a loved one’s progression with dementia. A special singing group was formed with members of both congregations who sang in parts and unaccompanied which was just beautiful.

We then listened to some classical music and had a chance to move around our stunning sanctuary and take in the artworks and stained glass, all with subtle multi-coloured lighting. Everyone was invited to light a candle in memory of someone. We used scented candles for this which was a lovely touch.

My daughter Sarah, who studies art, designed a tree of remembrance so that people could write names of someone they have loved and lost on a leaf and then stick it to the tree. Sometimes with living grief, such as a relative we can’t connect with anymore for one reason or another, people feel less comfortable lighting a candle. To be able to put a name or initials on the tree was very powerful. It was also a reminder that life is all about seasons and that the journey of grief goes through various seasons, sometimes even in one day!

Next, we had a postbox for prayer requests run by our pastoral care team. By the end of the service we had 50 prayer requests and names to bring before God in private.

Everyone was visibly moved but only a few were very upset, but we had tissues on each row and the overall message was there are no short cuts to pain, and crying is absolutely ok. I was on hand to have a private word with anyone who needed it, supported by our team of worship leaders, retired clergy, the pastoral care team and one of our members Alison, founder of the charity Compassionate Inverclyde.

We then had refreshments and fellowship in the hall, and everyone was given a gift bag to keep and one to pass onto someone else who has suffered loss. The bags contained a bulb to plant in memory of a loved one, a tea light candle to light on a special occasion, and a bookmark containing a quote from each Bible verse we heard read during the service. In addition, there was a gratitude scavenger hunt – a list of items to look out for on a lovely walk in nature and thank God for - while the bag itself was biodegradable! Lastly, each bag had a label saying ‘Love and God Bless’ from the churches, so that any non-churchgoers who receive one will know we are here for them.

The feedback was all very positive and you could see the relief on a lot of faces by the end of the day; a real sense of letting go and of peace. One of the things my patients say is that validating their pain goes a long way to helping them start to heal. Healing can take many forms and doesn’t always have to mean finding a cure. For example, healing can mean finding acceptance, reconciliation, new meaning and ultimately peace. Throughout the service we took so much comfort in reading God’s word as it validates our human experience of suffering and offers us hope for eternal life when we accept Jesus as our Lord and saviour.

We ended with singing together Spirit of God Come Dwell Within Me – a lovely prayer written by Helen Kennedy to the tune of Leaving Lismore. Through these words we are asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit – the living waters – and there was a real sense of the presence of God coming down and ministering to each individual.

My ultimate hope is that people go and tell others about the peace they felt by handing their pain over to God. In this way, we are testifying to what God can do for individuals and we are being truly missional.

2024 will mark 20 years since I qualified as a physiotherapist and 10 years since becoming an Elder in the Kirk, which started my journey to this pastoral role. Looking back, I think in my early professional life I was guilty of trying to ‘fix’ every hurt for people, but since beginning my church role I am grounded to the fact that it is God who is doing the work of healing and renewal, we are just His instruments. ¤