In the third part of a series focussing on intergenerational church, Suzi Farrant and Darren Philip consider mutual service, sharing and learning.

IN this series, we have been considering what it is to be an intergenerational church – one which “intentionally brings the generations together in mutual serving, sharing or learning within the core activities of the church in order to live out being the body of Christ to each other and the greater community.” This month, we focus on the crucial aspect of mutual serving, sharing and learning.

The majority of the kirk’s interactions with children and young people currently take place in age-segregated settings: activities such as Sunday school or youth groups which are targeted to particular age groups. In these contexts, children tend to take on the role of participants, pupils or learners, while the adults involved take on the role of leaders, officers or teachers. This introduces a directionality to these relationships: learning is understood to be passed from adult to child.

The programmatic nature of many church activities has also led to the use of relationships as a way to influence children and young people towards desired beliefs or behaviours. There’s a ‘so that’ attached to why we relate: we build relationships so that young people will become Christians, we form friendships with our youth group so that they will keep coming to church. Relationships which are directional or which are used to gain influence are not mutual; there is a distinct power dynamic and hierarchy at play.

This is where we again find wisdom in the writings of Dietrich Bonhoeffer: he reminds us that Jesus calls us to love our neighbour, not to love God in our neighbour, nor to love our neighbour in order to make them Christian. If we recognise Bonhoeffer’s claim that Christ is present in our relationships (as Jesus said, where two or three are gathered in his name, he is there also), then the relationship doesn’t need to lead to a ‘so that’: the relationship is in itself the end. When we enter into mutual relationships, without influence or hierarchy, those relationships become revelatory: a place where the mystery of God is encountered.

We’ve described this sort of mutual relationship as ‘place-sharing’. It comes from a German word often used by Bonhoeffer: Stellvertretung, the word for a deputy which literally means to step into the place of another. To share someone’s place means to put yourself in their shoes, to be prepared to act in the other person’s best interests, even at personal cost. Luther had a similar idea when he said: “Everyone should ‘put on’ his neighbour and so conduct himself towards him as if he were in the other’s place.”

There’s a greeting used in the South African language of isiZulu, sawubona, which means “I see you.” It is a deep seeing that acknowledges the other as a full human being. The response is typically shiboka, which means “I exist for you.”

The mutual exchange of sawubona/shiboka is at the heart of what we mean by placesharing relationships: I see you; I value you; I exist for you; I am for you. In this mutual sharing of our common humanity, we become aware of the presence of Christ between us.

Bonhoeffer reminds us of the value of mutuality in forming such relationships between adults and children: “For Jesus the child is not merely a transitional stage on the way to adulthood… God belongs to children, the good news belongs to children, and joy in the kingdom of heaven belongs to children.” Rather than directional ‘teacher-pupil’ relationships, mutual relationships, recognising people of all ages as disciples, benefit the whole church-community. When we place-share across generations we are enabled to encounter Christ together.

Curating the space for these mutual intergenerational relationships to form and develop may mean adapting our current practice. It will require intentionally shaping church life in such a way as to allow generations to not only spend time together, but to share in the practices of our faith together. This may mean no longer removing children and young people to a separate space during times of gathered worship – apractice that is actually a fairly recent development in the life of the kirk. (Many church members will remember worshipping together with their parents then returning for Sunday school in the afternoon.) This often raises questions of how children will learn about faith. Our contention is that we all need to continue to learn and grow in our faith throughout our lives: it should not be something we set aside only for those of school age. Learning intergenerationally can bring fresh understanding for all ages. For example, a teenager grappling with questions of identity, belonging and purpose as they try to work out their place in the world has both much to learn and much to teach someone approaching retirement who is facing similar questions.

It is also important to recognise that there are different modes of learning. The one we most readily engage in is formal learning: an intentional, structured process of education with a teacher and a learning outcome. This is the mode used in schools, Sunday schools and most training courses we attend. Another mode is non-formal learning: education which is still intentional and structured but is much more ‘hands-on’. This is the mode used in driving lessons, sports training and apprenticeships. A third mode, known as informal learning or socialisation, is often overlooked. This describes learning which is not structured and not necessarily intentional, but which happens as we observe and participate in social situations. This is how we learn table manners, or how to speak our own language: no one sits us down one day with a curriculum, we pick it up by being immersed in it.

All three of these modes of learning were used by Jesus, yet the kirk has mostly focussed, particularly during our lifetime, on developing formal learning. Formal learning is important and has its place, but it helps us only to know about things rather than to know them. Imagine getting behind the wheel of a car if you had only been taught to drive through books and worksheets with no practical experience! In the same way, there is no use teaching people about prayer, the sacraments and worship if we don’t offer them the opportunity to participate in and experience them.

This mutual learning through socialisation doesn’t just happen in worship, but can happen in any area of church life: service, decision-making, stewardship, Bible study, pastoral care, fellowship, hospitality… Enabling all generations to participate in the core practices of our church-community on a mutual basis enables place-sharing relationships to grow, and can lead everyone to a personal experience of God: knowing, rather than knowing about. ¤

‘Being Intergenerational Church’ will be published in the autumn by Saint Andrew Press.