Family feuds

In the second part of her series, Ruth Harvey considers Joseph’s story, sibling rivalry and reconciliation in Genesis 37.

Photo: iStock

PATTERNS of stress can turn into conflict when we’re confined together over long periods.

The recent experience of ‘lockdown’ may have exacerbated already fragile family relationships. In normally calm neighbourhoods, households or communities, irritations can become arguments, an argument may turn into a protracted disagreement, and a disagreement can escalate into full blown conflict.

The Genesis story of Joseph sold into slavery by his jealous brothers may throw some light on family dynamics in the context of stress. Early themes of love turning to favouritism, jealousy, betrayal and violence tumble out of the opening verses (37ff) as swiftly as those of forgiveness and reconciliation do towards the end (42-47).

Family relationships “which are involuntary, longer term, and more intimate than other social relationships” can be the glue that holds society together. In ‘lockdown’, where there is little room for manoeuvre physically or emotionally, it is exactly these intimate relationships that can be stretched to breaking. For those locked into abusive relationships with nowhere to turn, this can be unbearable. 

The sibling rivalry between Esau and Jacob (25: 24-34) repeated between Jacob’s sons begs the question: what can we do to break patterns of repeated, inherited negative behaviour amongst those closest to us?

Beyond the favouritism of Jacob (37:3), the naïve entitlement of Joseph (37:2), and the brutal jealousy of the brothers (37:11), patterns of forgiveness and reconciliation emerge. Years pass after Joseph is sold into slavery, years which could have harboured bitterness, rage or revenge. In fact it seems that Joseph emerges forgiving (45:5-8) and the brothers emerge contrite (42:21-22). Joseph offers a conditional forgiveness (‘if you do this then I will forgive…’ (42:20)) which leads ultimately to the reconciliation of father and son and a wider national reconciliation in the generous welcome offered by Pharaoh to Jacob’s tribe, aliens in a foreign land, in a time of hardship and famine. What does it take to offer individual or collective forgiveness that can lead to reconciliation?

These acts of God’s grace, acts of forgiveness and reconciliation, are preceded by others, most notably those of Joseph’s brothers Reuben and Judah who save Joseph first through softening his punishment from certain death to terror in a pit from where Reuben later planned to rescue him (37:22) then through selling him to the Ishmaelites rather than butchering him (37: 26-27). These brothers also notably ‘humanised’ Joseph by using his name and owning their sibling relationship, whereas previously he had been distanced from them through their ‘dreamer’ label. How do we humanise or de-humanise those close to us through our words and actions?

The story of Joseph is rich in themes of reconciliation located in an extended family. In this context it is worth remembering some of the simple acts that can lead to reconciliation particularly in lockdown: listening to one another in order to understand, rather than necessarily agree; offering forgiveness unconditionally; being the first to say ‘I’m sorry’. 

For weekly lectionary-based resources, prayers and sermon ideas on reading the gospels through the lens of conflict, see www.spiritualityofconflict.com.

Place for Hope accompanies and equips people and faith communities so that all might reach their potential to be peacemakers who navigate conflict well. www.placeforhope.org.uk

Ruth Harvey was Director of Place for Hope until June 1, when she took up her role as Leader of the Iona Community.

This article appears in the June 2020 Issue of Life and Work

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