Ministry of Fathers

AS a society, we are guilty of underplaying, even underappreciating, the role that men, and fathers play in their children’s lives. There can’t be many of us who have not spoken about dad ‘babysitting’ the kids while mum escapes to get a haircut or a day out with friends. Yet they are his children too. We don’t say mum is ‘babysitting’ when she’s at home….

Somehow, the idea that mum cares and dad earns has taken a deep hold in our society – and that attitude even extends to our churches, where child-care is very much usually a ‘mums and toddlers’ type situation.

But a new charity is helping to move these ideas to the dustbin of history.

‘Who Let The Dads Out?’ was founded by Mark Chester and is run by Tony Sharp, its co-ordinator.

“We started ‘Who Let The Dads Out?’ in 2003 at Hoole Baptist Church in Chester. We ran a thriving parent and toddler group and knew many mums and children from our community, but we didn’t know the dads – so we tried a one off session for dads, male carers and their children,” says Mark.

“Little did we know then that it would grow into a national and international movement of churches reaching out to dads and their children.

“We simply did what we knew best: run a parent and toddler group. But we did it specifically targeted at dads, father figures and their children, and we included bacon butties. As for the name, most will recognise the unforgettable song on which it is based!”

It’s a growing movement.

“In the early days, many in churches didn’t quite understand why we needed to be intentional in reaching out to dads, but now most recognise that unless we do we will engage mostly mothers and their children in our work with families. Few dads will take part unless we develop some work that is specifically for them. There are now over 280 groups registered with us and we estimate that 100,000 bacon butties are served at ‘Who Let The Dads Out?’ groups each year!” The aim of the project is straightforward.

“Our aim is to inspire and support churches to intentionally and specifically reach out to fathers and their children. To help, we have books, a website and Facebook groups. We send out a regular newsletter. There is a network of volunteer regional reps. We deliver training. We supply branded resources and clothing. And much more!

“People often laugh at the name, which is great, and they can see that what we are doing is good for families, the church and society. Group sizes vary, but the average attendance is 13 dads and 19 children, many of whom are from outside the church, so there is definitely an appetite for dads and children to have fun together

”It may seem a grand ambition but we hope that Who Let The Dads Out? will change a nation. Turning the hearts of fathers and children to one another can have an enormously powerful impact on the whole of society. That said, if all we did was help strengthen one family, it would have been worthwhile because the impact will be felt in that family for many more generations to come.

“Dads are often perceived to be a problem that needs solving, and that is not a good starting point for engaging and supporting a group of people. We are turning that on its head, and by running sessions for dads and their children we are letting them know how important they are and what a great job they are doing. We’re celebrating dads, and there is great potential for the church and society to do more of that.

The Rev Stuart Irvin, minister at Edinburgh: St Catherine’s Argyll, has been inspired to reach the men in his congregation and has set up a fathers’ group.

He said: “On the last Saturday of each month our church hall is filled with the aroma of fresh coffee and breakfast rolls, the bustle of youngsters playing with toys and doing crafts and the noise of dads, grandpas and uncles chatting to one another. On the surface it looks like any other parent and toddler group and the reason for that is because it is pretty much just like any other parent and toddler group with toys, snacks, crafts and the occasional parachute game. The obvious key difference is that it is aimed specifically at dads and done at a time that enables those who work during the week to enjoy such a group which would normally happen during the week (our baby and toddler group runs every week on a Monday morning).

“I had heard about a similar group running at a church in Dundee and when I got my hands on the resource book for ‘Who Let the Dads Out?’ I realised that is was something that we could put together in our context. I should add at this point that I have two young boys aged five and three and part of the reason that I started the group was at the suggestion of my wife who was keen to see me connect with other dads and the thought of a morning to herself was quite appealing! Part of the reason I note this is that one of the ways we promote ‘Who Let the Dads Out?’ is by telling mums. They suggest it to the dads and often like the thought of a bit of down time on a Saturday morning or the chance to go for coffee with one of the other mums.

”By running sessions for dads and their children we are letting them know how important they are and what a great job they are doing. We’re celebrating dads.

“For some of the dads it can be a big hurdle to go into a room of folk they don’t know but they soon realise that there are plenty of kindred spirits and that quite often the kids already know each other from nursery and other groups. It’s nice to see folks interacting and chatting and over the couple of years we’ve been doing it there have been some great friendships formed.

“Running it once a month complements the other events we do such as our toddlers’ group and it was nice to be able to personally invite some of the families to our Christingle service on Christmas Eve.

“If anyone would like to know more about running a group I am happy to share our experience but I would say that you’d be surprised about how simple it can be. A handful of volunteers to cover setting up, refreshments and making folk feel welcome is all that is needed on the day and publicising it online, with posters and among other groups is a great way to get the word out.

“Who let the dads out? We did, and its been a really fun journey so far.”

The Rev Tommy McNeil, minister at Stornoway: Martin’s Memorial, is another minister who has been inspired to get involved. And they’ve put their own ‘spin’ on the concept.

“Our ‘The Shed’ Project is about building bridges with different people in our community. We try to involve people of all ages, backgrounds, and stages of life. The vision behind the work was that it would enable us to change from a ‘one day a week service church to being a seven day a week serving church’.

“Our work has been embryonic. As we engage with people, we perceive need, and then look at making provision to meet that need.

“We have alcohol and drug support work, men’s and ladies groups, youth drop ins, and Little Stars which is our parent and toddler group. On starting Little Stars we saw one or two dads and granddads come along to have time with their children.

“As we engaged with them they told us that they really enjoyed having this dedicated time, and how they wished there could be a dads and toddler group.

“This was a new thought that got our Shed Manager Murdo Maciver thinking.

“He was invited to attend the Christian Forum Funders Awards held in London in November 2015.

“The Shed had won the Best Building Project Award. At the ceremony Murdo heard of the national ministry, ‘Who let the dads out?’ He knew this was the answer to the next part of The Shed Project’s development. ‘Who let the coves out?’ started soon after this. Now I know you’re thinking that the national ministry is called ‘Who let the Dads out?’ You’re absolutely right.

“With The Shed it’s about being current and relevant.

“In Stornoway we have different words that are unique to our dialect. So women are called blones, and men are called coves! Now you get it!

“The beauty of calling our group ‘Who let the coves out?’ is that it makes it clear that this is a men and toddler group, so it’s open to dads, grandads, and male guardians,” he says.

And the ‘coves’ have been coming in to their group.

“Who let the coves out? has averaged about 12+ dads, that with their children take it to 22-25.

“The most we have had was 22 dads/ grandparents which amounted to nearly 50. We have it on a Saturday morning and provide free bacon rolls and tea/coffee for the men to enjoy. A group of men actually started a messenger group to contact each other to remind each other when it was on and also to arrange to help one another out with the ‘Who let the coves out?’ time.

“The men greatly appreciate this dedicated time with their children, and also enjoy having the time together as men.

“One stand out moment was the first time we met. We had three new dads who didn’t know each other standing in a circle with their new babies. The children’s ages ranged from a few weeks to a few months old. One of the men was feeding his baby, the other was winding their baby, and the other was rocking his baby to sleep in his arms. They stood there comparing feeding, nappy, and sleeping stories and sharing notes.

“Where else would this happen? Probably nowhere were it not for Who let the dads out? And Who let the coves out?

Mark is delighted at the impact the idea is having across the country.

“We believe that the impact of positive father and child relationships goes way beyond the individual relationships,” he says.

“We believe it makes for stronger families, builds stronger communities and creates the best conditions in which faith in God can be passed from one generation to the next. We believe that the heart of a father that is turned to his child is a heart that is ready for God.”