As we usher in a new year, Ron Ferguson ofers a piece of timely advice

HOW long will it be before the number of counsellors, trainers, lifestyle advisers and gurus exceeds the number of ordinary punters going about their lawful business? These days we are instructed about all kinds of things ranging from how many helpings of vegetables or glasses of water we should have each day all the way through to what things not to say to your boss.

The advice industry goes into hysterical overdrive at the beginning of a new year. Time for New Year Resolutions once again. I feel weak already.

We are told to look in the mirror and recite mantras, or affirmations, such as “Every day in every way I am getting better and better”.

I feel a right eejit doing that.

I was caught doing it the other day by my dug. Mansie just looked at me and sloped off very quickly.

The trouble is that every time I look in the mirror I realise that every day in every way I am looking older and older.

I wonder if Methuselah used to chant mantras like that. After all, he lived to the ripe old age of 969. Maybe he was still applying moisturiser at the age of 968, while pretending that he was only middle-aged.

Was Mrs Methuselah asking her man, “Does my bum look big in this” when she was 753 years old?” Ah, life is full of mysteries.

Back in the real world, despite all the well-meaning gurus New Year resolutions tend to fade quite quickly. By a few days into January, self-improvement is often all over for another year. For instance, we resolve to eat less and exercise more.

It makes sense, doesn’t it?

The trouble is that in the cold, dark days of January, that piece of chocolate cake looks as if it will comfort us in the darkness.

There are multitudes of slimming courses that promise to reduce the size of your waist. They will certainly reduce the size of your wallet.

We are told what food supplements will save us from keeling over in the street, what self-improvement courses will transform us into “power people”, what image we need to project to get people to obey us.

Seeing that I can hardly get my own dug to obey me, I seem to have failed this test. The worst thing about this deluge of advice is that even by trying to keep abreast of it, you miss out on something very important.

It’s called “Life”.

Maybe we need to spend less time looking at computer screens. Maybe we need to enjoy relating to real life flesh-andblood friends, rather than virtual friends. Maybe we need only one radical resolution – to open ourselves to God.

“Maybe we need to spend less time looking at computer screens. Maybe we need to enjoy relating to real life flesh-and-blood friends, rather than virtual friends. Maybe we need only one radical resolution – to open ourselves to God.”

It is astonishing how easily Christianity – a religion of liberation with the unconditional love of God at its heart – has been co-opted and changed to serve a driven world of money, power and image. It is demonstrably true that perfectionism and workaholism are not recipes for a happy life. They certainly aren’t gospel values.

So here’s a good cultural question for the New Year: why do we keep reinventing the puritan hamster wheel?

Now here’s the irony: I had intended to write a column decrying the volume of advice that we receive, and what did I end up doing?

Yes, giving you advice.

Ach, well. Have a good new year